Programming Language Checklist: Automated Rant Generator

By enigmamonkey (Original checklist here:

Source code:

Please fill out each of the following points in this checklist.
Once you are done, just click "Generate" for your automatically generated rant!

or choose your options below.

Point #1: You appear to be advocating a new:

programming language. Your language will not work. Here is why it will not work.

Point #2: You appear to believe that:

Point #3: Unfortunately, your language (has/lacks):

Point #4: The following philosophical objections apply:

Point #5: Your implementation has the following flaws:

Point #6: Additionally, your marketing has the following problems:

Point #7: Taking the wider ecosystem into account, I would like to note that:

Point #8: In conclusion, this is what I think of you: